Fuck Valentine’s Day

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Believe it or not, I don’t hate Valentine’s Day because I’m single.

I got assaulted on Valentine’s Day, so it’s not an easy day to begin with. I’m not good with dates so I might even forget the exact date as time would go on but I’m not allowed to forget Valentine’s Day.

It’s so in-your-face. It’s so incredibly sexualised. With no other holiday is it as obvious that the aim of the day is to get laid. I pop into ASDA and ta-da, literally the first thing I see is a massive Valentine’s Day display.

A selection of nightwear to seduce somebody with!

How about this underwear?

Are you not a woman? Here are some chocolates and flowers you can give to a woman so she’ll have sex with you!

It’s so staged. It’s so fake. It’s also dangerous. It sets up so many expectations.

What happens if real life doesn’t live up to expectations?

I’m a living example of it.

I have one boundary which I will enforce no matter how long I will be speaking of my experiences in public. I’ll never tell what exactly happened to me on Valentine’s Day. It’s nobody’s business but mine.

Last year I cut ties with a person I thought was my friend after she asked me to speak about Valentine’s Day in public when it had no relevance to what we were working on. The only reason why she knew is because I had told her in confidence. There are only maybe five people besides her who know what happened on Valentine’s Day and most of them are law enforcement.

This is why I’m making a point of saying in public that I have not and will not speak in public of the exact events that tarnished this commercial celebration of love forever.

All you need to know is that it changed my life forever. I died that day.

In case you are in the same boat as me or just don’t like Valentine’s Day, please consider celebrating Friends’ Day, which we have in Finland. This is how I originally know Valentine’s Day. You give cards to your friends and maybe spend time together doing something nice.

As someone who has lost a lot of people I can say that friends are never celebrated enough.

I’ve had this blog for almost three years. Every year I’ve planned to say something on Valentine’s Day. It’s incredibly hard to start describing to anyone that horrible awareness that starts to set in Mid-January and continues until Valentine’s Day is over and done with for another year.

One time at work someone had tried to be cute by printing little hearts on our rota. I had to dash to bathroom to throw up.

This is a really vulnerable time of the year for me but it’s something that is important to talk about.

Sexualising a holiday creates undue pressure and expectations and it’s ironic since we live in the time of #metoo, why no rape charity is running a massive campaign that says an arbitrary day on the calendar does not mean you have to have sex with somebody?

I honestly think it could make a difference.

It might’ve changed what happened to me.

 

Before you go, in case you have missed me spamming the fuck out of this on twitter, I am taking part in the K2B charity walk in May to raise money for the Birchall Trust, which offers counselling to people whose lives have been affected by rape and sexual abuse in Cumbria and North Lancashire.

If you would like to visit my fundraising page, here’s the link

Thank you x

 

4 comments

  1. **gives you a gentle hug, and perhaps a lovely soft blanket to cuddle into**
    I can’t say I’ve been where you’ve been, but I can say that there are… triggers that have me strung so tight that I wonder I don’t snap. I loathe V-Day – it’s gross, it’s tacky, it’s commercialized “romance” that’s supposed to – hell, I dunno. It’s almost a form of prostitution in my mind. “You buy my flowers, candy, and take me on a fancy date, and I’ll have sex with you” So the guy is figuring out how much this night is going to cost him?
    I dunno – I can’t recall the last time i had any “expectations” of what the day would bring – other than discounted candy on the 15th.
    I’m not in the UK, so I’m not really sure how to contribute to your walk.

    Liked by 1 person

    • You always make the kindest comments Liz, thank you 💖 V-day is tacky af.

      You’re able to donate from outside the UK (not that you need to feel in any way that you should!) The reason the site asks for your address is bc there is a thing called Gift Aid that UK charities can claim on top of the donation if the person donating lives in the UK.

      Of course I’d never expect you to donate and the fact that you want to support me is amazing enough 💖 If you’d like to share the link around in your own social media, that woild be amazing. There are 200 people at the moment on the waiting list for counselling so any help is greatly appreciated xxx

      Like

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