The subtle art of not giving a fuck

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I had lovely Rosie approach me for my *~wisdom~* on how not to give a fuck about what others think. Is this a beginning of a new segment of the blog?

Auntie Ida’s advice corner? Totes truths? The IV drip of wisdom? Fuck if I know?

The title is still a work in process.

Right, how not to give a fuck. The problem with this for me is that I have to think really far back in time to remember when I used to care about what others thought. I was always a bit of an odd one out in school and stuff, and I guess that’s when being like everyone else matters the most. However, I can’t really remember being that bothered about it even then.

I think it stemmed from stubbornness. I’ve never really felt the need to change for anyone. Of course it hasn’t always been easy. I dated a boy who was keen on telling me that nothing about me was right and that I should change to be worthy of his love.

In that toxic situation I did become quiet and withdrawn, too scared to open my mouth in case I’d get told off for being boring or awkward. If I stayed quiet I got told off for not making an effort. You could never win.

What turned out to be my saving grace after we broke up was the fact that I had made friends who had liked me as I was. My self-image had been broken and I’ve been putting it back together little by little ever since.

It must’ve been then when I rediscovered the spirit of not giving a fuck and recent events in my life have been contributing to it, especially my suicide attempt. I could’ve died, so being given a second chance in life, why would I waste time getting wound up about what others think?

Some thoughts on the subject that have turned out to be true time and time again:

  • People are really self-centred by default. Usually they’re way too wrapped up in their own lives to be bothered about what you’re doing with yours. Honestly, nobody gives a shit. Why should you?
  • I’m saying this with the best will in the world: You’re not as significant as you might think. Get over yourself. For example, you can worry yourself sick about what other moviegoers might think if you went to see a film alone but think about any occasions when you’ve ever paid any attention to other people sitting around you unless they’ve been using their phone. Why would you be any different? What makes you so damn special?
  • Look like you know what you’re doing, and nobody asks questions.
  • Why do you care so much about what a complete stranger thinks about you? Think back to all the times you’ve thought about a stranger for more than thirty seconds. Unless you’re a stalker, you can’t think of more than a couple of times. Also if they do care, imagine how utterly pathetic and empty your life has to be in order to be bothered about something like that. Instead of being offended, feel sorry for them instead.
  • Also, note the word stranger. This person doesn’t know you. They’ve got absolutely no clue about you. Why should you give a shit? They don’t have the facts. You have the facts. You know everything. They know nothing. Case closed.
  • I have never spent a night crying into my pillow because some dickhead doesn’t like me. If a dickhead would like me, that would mean I’m a dickhead as well. Why would I want that? I take pride in being disliked by some absolutely abhorrent individuals.
  • The best thing you can do when someone is looking to get a reaction from you is to say nothing. It really winds them up, and you have to see zero effort. Win-win.
  • You can conform as much as you want but the day when someone knocks on your door and gives you a medal for it will never come. So you have a choice, either restrict yourself and be miserable or just be yourself and have a much higher likelihood of being happy.
  • I do recognise you can get wound up about what people you know think about you, like friends and family. I know it has the higher likelihood of getting under your skin but unless you’re planning to inject cane sugar into your eyeball and your practise won’t hurt yourself or anyone else, your nearest and dearest should support you. End of.

Right, there’s some thoughts on the subject. By all means do contribute, and if you want to ask further questions please do so. Let’s get this Crouch’s advice couch new still unnamed section off the ground!

And for fucks sake, just get out there and stop giving a fuck!

 

Me reading this post:

10 comments

  1. These are points I’ve been considering more and more recently, especially following certain discussions with my counsellor. Love this.

    Liked by 1 person

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