When I spent 80 days on a mental health ward after my suicide attempt, it was the longest time I’ve been without a computer of some kind since I was young. I’m really bad at writing by hand because my mind jumps from one place to another really quickly. Also my handwriting is beyond abhorrent.
Still, I needed an outlet. I need to write, that’s just how I am, so I have a notebook full of
ramblings of a lunatic little notes about life on the ward. In a typical fashion to myself they’re mostly rants about things that would wind me up. Reading them makes me laugh at times, especially when you can see how my writing gets worse as I try to write my anger down as quickly as possible.
Anyway. I thought someone might be interested in reading some of them.
In another typical fashion to myself I haven’t dated any of the things I’ve written. I was really unwell at times while writing them and sometimes the handwriting is almost illegible.
I know that some of these things make sense in security perspective and they seem whiny but as said, I was really ill and at a ward 24/7. Your perspective isn’t exactly diplomatic. Still I’m not going to change a word from these notes. This was my life at the time.
From a list titled Ward Peeves
1) When the nurse forgets to turn off the fucking light with a switch only they can use so you have to get up and go into the office to ask if one of them could kindly turn it off. Would they like it if I came into their bedroom and turned on a light they couldn’t turn off?
2) When the night watch nurse shines the fucking torch in your eye to check if I’m asleep. Not anymore!
3) When the night watch nurse leaves the blinds on the door open. It’s not like everyone walks into my room like a saloon as it is, now any passerby can just look straight in while I sleep.
4) The night watch in general.
5) When the people who eat meat decide they prefer the vegetarian option instead and they’ve run out by the time I come to the canteen. I’m a vegetarian. I can’t opt for the meat option in case I happen to fancy it, you thick motherfuckers.
6) When someone does kick off and we lose things like chairs or hot water. Fucking hell, even in prison the troublemakers are put in segregation. Do they think for one second that a mental is going to give a fuck about communal punishment?
7) ‘Eat those first and then come back.’ Am I fucking five years old?
8) ‘Are you finding the mattress uncomfortable?’ Mate, if I had spent two months whinging about insomnia to the consultant psychiatrist because of a fucking mattress, I’d deserve to be branded a fucking loony.
9) Some medicine ‘isn’t licensed.’ This is a fucking hospital.
10) When the milk police decides that you should use the disgusting lukewarm half-empty pints with your cereal before they’ll fetch a new one from the fridge. I know it won’t be enough for the cereal, so I’m still going to ask for a new milk. Why can’t those lukewarm ones be used with tea or coffee where it doesn’t matter? Would the nurse who decides that the NHS crisis depends on this particular half-empty warm milk enjoy it if it was served in her cereal?
I’ll do another post if people find these entertaining, there are loads.