“I’m depressed because I don’t have a girlfriend.”

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NO YOU’RE NOT. asasfdt5t2erdfqfegicg233161!!!!!

For fucks sake. Right. Welcome to yet another instalment of ‘Shit depressed people have to hear.’ I can’t quite decide which side of the fence this particular fuckery comes from but let’s rule it an outsider who wants to be an insider. (Also who wants to be an insider anyway? This is the world’s shittest VIP club.)

This is something I’ve run into online so often that I think I’m on the brink of having a small aneurysm. People who blame their ‘depression’ partially or solely on the lack of romantic partner. And I want to make it absolutely crystal clear at this point that women and people identifying as other than heterosexual do this too but I’m using an example of a straight man for the sake of simplicity. Also because this is the specimen I’ve ran into most often.

All right, moving on. This is a phenomenon that seems to happen mostly on anonymous forums. People, often men, saying that they are depressed because they don’t have a girlfriend. Either they don’t have one at the moment, or have never had one.

From Mind charity’s website:

 

In many cases, you might find your depression has been triggered by an unwelcome, stressful or traumatic event. This could be:

  • losing your job or unemployment
  • the end of a relationship
  • bereavement
  • major life changes, like changing job, moving house or getting married
  • being physically or sexually assaulted
  • being bullied or abused

 

Funnily enough, NOT GETTING LAID is not one of them.

Ok, I know it says ‘an end of a relationship’ but I honestly in my heart of hearts think that this scenario has absolutely nothing to do with the type of people I am referring to in this particular blog post. I’m specifically referring to people who say ‘I don’t have this, therefore I’m depressed.’

You can say that you are suffering from depression after receiving an official diagnosis from a certified medical professional. For example, I am of the severe end of moderate depression. (Hooray!) So when I say ‘I’m depressed’, it does really mean that I’m depressed.

Mental health is one of the least known areas of expertise of the medical world. We still don’t know exactly what causes most of mental health conditions, including depression, bipolar disorder and schizophrenia. The research is still ongoing.

And I get it. Being lonely DOES suck. And if you are genuinely suffering from depression, being single despite wanting to be in a relationship can add to your feelings of loneliness, worthlessness and overall shitness of the world and all the things in it. I’m perfectly ready to admit that this can be the case, and I’m sure it is for many people.

I know that the people I’m referring to in this post are probably a rarity. An incredibly annoying one but still in minority nevertheless.

But I honestly think that this rare breed of knobheads fall into the trap of my old favourite, usage of the word ‘depressed’ to express feelings of temporary sadness, loneliness and/or other unrelated social or medical conditions.

This is incredibly annoying and also a potentially really dangerous thing because this might be exactly what someone who thinks mental health issues do not constitute as a real illness are thinking about.

At the risk of getting featured in r/gatekeeping, I’m calling bullshit on this ‘lack of relationship’ argument. It. Doesn’t. Work. That. Way.

Why am I depressed? Fuck if I know. Could be genetics. Both my parents have suffered from depression in the past. I faced multiple traumatic events that might have triggered it, including an abusive relationship. I faced pressures and negative influences both from outside and within for an extended period of time. Was one thing to blame or was it just the perfect shitstorm? I may never know.

But still. Fucking hell, I have been single for four years and my last coffee date ended up with the guy giving me a fucking handshake but I KNOW that’s not the reason I’m depressed.

I’ve always been interested to know what do these guys seek with this particular argument. Are they expecting some girl to pop up on the thread and say: “Awww, don’t be sad! I’ll date you!”

Oh my god, where do I send the fucking donations?! (I guess fucking being the key word here amiriteamirite?)

Also what I hate about this particular argument is that the ‘depression’ is cleverly moved on other people’s court. It’s because girls won’t date me. It’s their fault. I remember a story about a lad in the States who also thought that the root of all evil was that girls wouldn’t date him, and that didn’t end too well if I recall correctly.

Listen: Nobody in this world owes you shit. Nobody HAS to date you or even be within your vicinity if they don’t wish to do so. That’s their choice. Everybody has a right to decide what happens to their own body. The only thing everyone has to do is to be a decent human being. That includes everyone.

Dear type of person who this post is about: I get it. It does suck to be lonely. But there are ways that you can go about improving your situation without contributing to the myth that ‘being depressed’ is just a synonym of ‘being sad.’

I’m sure you don’t mean your words to have this effect, but this is a very real problem that people who are diagnosed as depressed have to deal with, on top of a mental health condition. By clumping yourself together with this group of people, you are unwittingly contributing to it.

Fuck if I know, you might even be depressed. Go to a doctor and talk about your feelings. If you’re not diagnosed as depressed, I’d suggest do a fucking cartwheel. I can assure you, there is absolutely nothing desirable about being depressed. It’s shit.

Are you unlovable? Of course not. Are you pathetic? We all are sometimes. Are you sad? I’m sure you are. Are you depressed, as in the medical term to describe a mental illness? Unless you’re officially diagnosed as one:

No.

You’re.

Fucking.

Not.

9 comments

    • How odd that I had almost the identical discussion recently! And felt the same way.

      I would LOVE for my depression to be the same as when I felt lonely. Or after a breakup. But the reality is it isn’t the same.

      My friend reminded me we don’t always know the whole story. That this could just be the final straw for someone to feel able to reach out for help.

      But my gut still calls bullshit.

      I like this bit you wrote best..

      “Listen: Nobody in this world owes you shit.”

      Sometimes I get angry reading the post break up or lonely stories because I wonder what are you doing to help yourself? Noone is going to reach out and make your life better.. You’ve got to do that for yourself.

      Thank you as always for being brutally honest and just saying the stuff others like me think.

      Liked by 1 person

  1. Well said! And do you find that people need to compete with you on a level of depression, then they have a punch line that trumps all others and means that their ‘lack of girlfriend depression’ is worse than anyone else’s depression in the whole world?

    Liked by 1 person

    • Oh yeah, I’ve definitely seen it happening. I don’t converse with enough people to have this happen to me but I definitely see on online forums how someone always comes out of the woodwork to say “at least you have a girlfriend!” or some equally incredible gibberish.

      Liked by 1 person

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